Silly Goose

Today, I witness something horrific. Tragic. Horrible.

You see, we have a guest coming to the Inn in a few weeks who is eloping (how romantic!). She emailed me asking about locations on site to have her small ceremony, and I instantly though of the balcony in her room, Room 14. I decided to send her an email with a few pictures of the different venues, so I grabbed my camera and started clicking.

After taking all of the pictures downstairs I climbed the staircase, entered Room 14, and immediately felt something was amiss. A steps further into the room, I discovered this:




Death by 60lb antique mirror. Oh, the humanity!

I feel as though I've lost a good friend. RIP.... um... Nameless Goose. You will be missed.


With Love (and silliness[...it's one of those weeks]),
~Brande N.

It'll Put Hair on Your Arms

Cast of Characters:

MAN – Middle aged, athletic

WIFE – Middle aged, delicate

WAITRESS – (Me)

The Scene:

MAN and WIFE sit at breakfast table. He’s reading the sports section while she nibbles on her egg-white omelet and reads “Berkshire Living”. The WAITRESS comes by, pours coffee the WIFE, and then proceeds to pour the MAN a cup.

MAN: Thanks! This coffee is great! It’s nice and manly.

WAITRESS: I’m glad you like it! It’s a manly coffee for a manly guy! (laughs)

WIFE: (having just taken a sip) Well, what does that say about the women who drink it?

WAITRESS fails to find an adequate response and proceeds to eat foot.

The Order That Will Live in Infamy

(If you're a dork like me and like to analyze handwriting, click to enlarge)

Believe it or not, this is an order for one table. A table of four, I give you, but still! It was so big and complicated that I had to separate it into two courses and bring them out separately.

You'll notice on the last ticket (which is the entrees, the middle one is the "fruit and sides" course) that my handwriting was suddenly not all that horrendous. That's because it's poor Dan's ticket and he has to read it, so I always transcribe my scribbles for him. If I didn't do that, I'm sure a "tomato, basil, bacon, and manchego" omelet would come out something like "Onion, walnut, berries, and mushroom" Which is significantly less delicious...

...unless you're pregnant, in which case it might be exactly what you wanted.

With Love,
~Brande N.

L'Amour

So, Valentine's Day prep pretty much eliminated any time I had for blogging yesterday. And today I'm even more busy. But I wanted to post something for my lovely readers.

You may have noticed that today is Friday the 13th which is my all-time favorite holiday... Well, it's a holiday to me. You see, when I was in high school, my friends and I always referred to Friday the 13th as "Freaky Friday" and celebrated it by doing things like wearing mismatched socks and dying our hair purple (Yeah, we were all the "weirdos", and were proud of it!). In honor of that, and for your entertainment, I was going to post some of those strange and "freaky" photos that people alter in photoshop. The one's that, for example, make Albert Einstein's head shaped like an egg. Get it? Egg head? Yeah, I know. Bad joke. It's a good thing I didn't make that post, huh?

Especially since just before I was about to start it, I got this email. And knew that I had to share it with you. It's much too funny to not share with the world. So, without further adieu:

(Click to Enlarge)

And if you really want to translate it and enjoy it's true hilarity, click here.

Happy Freaky-Valentine's-Friday-Eve!
~Brande N.

A is for Affectionate

[To preserve the anonymity of the guests that this post will allude to, I'm not going to tell you when it happened. So there.]

With that said, onto the story...

I'm sitting at the front desk, probably answering emails or doing research when a couple walks in, ready to check in. I check them in, grab their key, and begin their tour, showing them first our piano. Upon seeing it the woman shrieks with glee and begs her husband to play while smothering him loudly with kisses. Their arms are wrapped around each other, faces smushed together, and I am standing awkwardly on the wings of this romantic exchange, completely forgotten about by the couple. Waiting.

As this is happening another couple who had checked in earlier that day comes down and wants to make a dinner reservation at a local restaurant. We will call the new check in Couple A and the reservation-making couple Couple B.

Now, usually, I'd quickly jot down Couple B's reservation information and then carry on with the tour. But, as I was trying to ask Couple B what restaurant they'd like to go to, the silence between words was being punctuated by giggles, sighs, and the sounds of lips smacking in the next room. (If it's not clear yet, I have named them Couple A for "affectionate")

Couple B is quite amused by this spectacle (and the fact that I cannot keep a straight face) and starts trying desperately not to laugh. Which makes me laugh. I feel like a bad person. But this is just so... awkward! And hilarious! This is the sort of scene that would happen in a sitcom if one about innkeeping existed. I mean, Couple B and I were at the front desk for probably three solid minutes and there was not a moment that there were no giggles, kisses, or amorous shrieks to be heard.

Then, when I honestly think that this situation cannot get any funnier, the Boyfriend in Couple B looks at me and jokes, "I hope they aren't next to us tonight!"

But they are. They share a wall. I can't take it. I burst out laughing, losing every bit of dignity I had, and let him know this fact. His girlfriend laughs. I am so glad they have a sense of humor!

After getting the remainder of their reservation information, I wish them a good lunch, and continue Couple A's tour. When I walk in the Sitting Room, I find her sitting on his lap, arms around his neck, immersed in a passionate kiss.

Let's just say the tour was everything you would expect it to be. Memorable for sure.


With Love, (but not too much)
~Brande N.

Kindness

Today, at check-out, a guest gave Dan and I this gift "for taking good care" of them. You know what guest? THANK YOU for taking care of Dan and I! I don't think you could ever know how much such a small gesture means to us...

With Love,
~Brande N.

The Garden Gables Inn Presents:

A Compliment of the Highest Regard

A True Story, Adapted for the Stage:

Cast:

-WAITRESS

-YOUNG MAN

-YOUNG WOMAN

-HUSBAND

The Scene:

A cozy New England Bed & Breakfast. Early morning. A nice young couple sits at one table, sipping coffee and nibbling at goodies from the buffet. Their WAITRESS approaches, order pad in hand.

WAITRESS: Good morning! Would you folks like a few more minutes or are you all set to order?

YOUNG MAN: I think we’re ready.

WAITRESS: (names off litany of breakfast options, which includes waffles, eggs cooked any way, omelettes, blueberry or chocolate chip pancakes, and apple strudel french toast)

YOUNG MAN: (with awe) Can I have one of everything? (laughs)

YOUNG WOMAN: (in a motherly, gently reprimanding voice) No, Honey. We’ll each get one thing and split it, okay?

YOUNG MAN: Alright... Well I want the Apple Strudel French Toast then.

YOUNG WOMAN: I’ll have an omelette with goat cheese and tomato.

WAITRESS: Sounds great! I’ll have that out for you in a few.

(A few minutes pass while the WAITRESS and her HUSBAND cook their order. She returns with French Toast that looks a lot like this:

..and an omlette that looks a lot like this:

...and presents it to the COUPLE.) (The YOUNG MAN stares at the plate of French Toast in front of him, nearly mesmerized. The WAITRESS is amused.)

WAITRESS: Can I get you guys anything else?

YOUNG MAN: (in an entranced voice, still staring at his plate) No... absolutely nothing.

My feet must be tasty...

...because I seem to stick them in my mouth A LOT. Remember our previous conversation about all the mistakes I'll inevitably make while I learn the nuts and bolts of innkeeping? Well this morning was a perfect example of that.

This is the story:
A very nice couple ordered their meal, Dan and I made it, and then I brought it out to them. Whenever I bring out an order, I always check to see if the guests need anything else: syrup for their pancakes, butter for the toast, tabasco for the eggs, etc.. Speaking of tabasco on eggs, that is one thing I have just never seen the appeal of. It's just weird to me! But then again, I love beets and tuna fish with green olives and maple syrup in milk, so I guess I don't have much room to critique the preferences of others.

Anyway, the order in question was 2 eggs over easy with goat cheese and fresh tomato and basil on the side. In my head I thought, "Okay, they've got eggs, so they don't need syrup, and they've already got the side of goat cheese, tomato and basil, so they’re probably alright. But I might as well check, just to be sure.”

Me: “Could I get you guys anything else? More coffee? Ketchup or hot sauce for your eggs or anything weird like that?”

Guest: “Uh, yeah, hot sauce would be great.”

...and I just called it weird. Ugh! Boy my foot is tasty!

A Lesson on Pancakes

I learned a lesson today. Whipped cream on hot chocolate chip pancakes melts very quickly. Who’da thunk it? And better yet, melted whipped cream likes to try really hard to slide towards the bacon as you’re carrying the plate to your hungry guest. The last time I checked, whipped cream on bacon was not an ideal breakfast dish. Although, the woman the pancakes were going to was pregnant… so maybe that would have been great. I should have asked. That could have been the new Garden Gables specialty breakfast dish. Chocolate Chip Pancakes with Crumbled Bacon and Whipped Cream.

Just kidding! (Unless you like that sorta thing…)

With Love,
~Brande N.